Finding your own is the path to happiness.
On my journey on therapy I have learned a lot of things about myself, most important one was that I do not know a lot of things I thought I did.
I thought I know what I wanted in life, my life partner, my job, my passions, but it was until I tried to write them down when I realized I just had a vague idea about them, not a real objective, not something that I could do things to achieve.
Values that resonate more with you
These values helped me to realize the way I want to rise my future kids, find a compatible partner and be more perceptive about my integrity.
- Humility -> Money is tool not a goal in life.
- Caring -> Never reject care to one you love, even when not in good terms.
- Animal lover -> Being kind to fauna.
- Respect -> Aknowledge what I like without mocking it.
- Teamwork -> Solving things together.
- Intimacy -> The intimacy is important.
These are my non negotiable values, if these alues are not compatible with my partner or current lifestyle, I am not on the right track and need to move from there.
Know your triggers
Knowing what triggers strong bad emotions is crucial to develop a stable life, I became more perceptive when reaching one and I was able to act faster on them, sometimes blocking or reducing very bad consequences.
- When someone hangs up the phone on me while I am talking.
- When someone tells me I am something I think I am not.
- When someone tells me I am doing the same mistakes after I already did something about it.
- When I feel I am doing good things to someone and that person don’t recognize it at all.
- When I see someone is doing something completely unfair to me or someone I love.
I can go from completely happy to totally mad in seconds when this happens, get out of control, it is ok to get strong emotions, what is not good is losing control of yourself when getting them.
Enjoy the little things
These were the easier for me to write down, I already were thinking about them since this is my life motto, these are the things that can make you happy very fast, things that may not be big or complex, but really get into you and give you a smile.
- Hug or kiss my girlfriend.
- Read a new chapter of One Piece manga.
- Go to a new place with my friends or partner.
- Pat the head of an animal.
- Complete a JIRA ticket on my job.
- Write some new code.
- Play party games with my friends.
- Eat pizza in Pomodoro rstaurant.
- Eat my favorite tacos in Poncitlan.
- Eat cochinita Pibil in Mazanillo.
- See the sunset.
- Finish a game in my xbox.
- Get an achievement in my xbox account.
- Eat popcorn.
- Eat hot dogs.
- Fix something broken in my house.
- Take nap with my dog.
The more the merrier, I found out that the more you found the easier is to be happy, you just need to look at the list and pick some at random, you will be happy in no time.
Experiences over things
Is very common and easy for anyone goals to be buying something expensive, you can feel successful, important and the people around may also think the same thing.
Well, I found out that the more you care about this the less you have time to make other things as important than the objective, I think this will lead anyone to a path that only achieving these things will bring happiness, forgeting about the journey.
Enjoy the journey, is better to be happy while achieving a bigger goal, also thinking like this will eventually lead to better things in the long run in my experience.
- I don’t want a car because is expensive, I want one because I like how it looks and also my lifestyle acomodates to it.
- I don’t buy expensive clothes because I have no interest in what others think about how I dress.
- I don’t buy the latest iPhone because my iPhone 7 is still working perfectly for my lifestyle.
- I don’t spend a lot of money on gamer PC because I have already the latest Xbox with tons of games and I still enjoy playing Tibia on my potato PC.
- I don’t buy expensive furniture, I always look for discounts or second hand first.
- I don’t have expensive shoes, I need something that is comfortable not expensive.
Nothing is perfect
Is was very hard to learn that I was mistaken in many things, I think this is the case for most people, when you have goals is very easy to fixate on those and forget what is around and what also needs attention.
I think that for a good and complete life you need to see the big picture and accept that you may be mistaken on the way you think about your goals.
| Goal | Bad approach | Good approach |
|---|---|---|
| Buy a car | I will work in a job that I hate just because it gives me more money and I can buy it faster. | I will work where I enjoy even when it takes me a little bit more, this will improve my skills in something I love and I can get a better paid job later. |
| Get you dream job | I will only accept a job that is very well paid, even if I don’t get experience in the field. | I will start working in the job I know my skills are well fit and I will reach my dream job one day by improving them. |
| Get married | I will meet the person that loves me exactly like I am, I will not change for anyone. | I will try to be better every day and adapt to each other to become better people together, is impossible to find someone that fits me perfectly. |
| Buy a house | I will not buy a house unless is the house of my dreams. | I can’t afford my dream house yet, I will buy one that fits my current needs and I will start saving for my dream house in the future. |
| Have kids | I love kids, I will get one because they are cute. | I love kids but I know is high responsibility to have one, I will prepare myself to know how to raise them and I will make sure I have enough income to support my family. |
It may be too obvious but if you write down the approach you are using for an specific goal you may find holes on it that will have eventually become real problems, and sometimes those problems can destroy your life.
CONCLUSION
Being happy is a journey, not a list of goals, trust me, I have become very happy with so much less work.
